"He knoweth the way that I take"

I started writing this email with, "we had exchanges a little bit ago" which is pretty straight to the point and then I realized. "well, THAT"S a boring way to start an email. but then I realized people only read this if they actually care, so I’m going to start if off however I so desire. 

ok, so...we had exchanges a little bit ago . The sisters left us with an invitation (that’s a nice way of saying assignment we commit ourselves to). we are to study the atonement 15 minutes a day during study. this sounds pretty easy especially for a missionary, but our time is very regimented. We have time in the morning to study, and only an hour for lunch. Lately I have realized that UNDERSTANDING of the atonement isn't enough. we have to apply it. 

Missionary work is hard and "high stakes" when you think about it. this is the eternal salvation of others! something I’ve struggled with throughout my mission is setting a stressful, too high, often times impractical standard for myself. 

I want to be continually bettering myself. I want to be serving the Lord with all my heart, might, mind and strength. but some days or mornings, or afternoons, I am tired. I and lazy. I want a break. as nephi said, "the natural man is an enemy to god" and all of us experience the effects of having an imperfect mortal body and not yet perfected soul. 

This goal of studying the atonement 15 minutes a day has helped me with that. it was an inspired invitation (as all invitations are from missionaries!!!). I forget sometimes that there are missionaries all around me that pray for me, minister tome, and want to see me be successful. 

A wonderful sister told me once that to find joy we merely need to seek the approval of the lord. When we set unrealistic or high standards upon ourselves we are seeking our own approval to gratify an insecurity whether conscious or unconscious. Striving for perfection is a miserable path. SEEKING for perfection however, or turning to Christ to make you perfect is a path worth trodding. Yes there is pressure and heat, much like the pressure that forms a diamond.

 Job felt utterly abandoned by God through his hardships, but his faith was strong and he was wise enough to recognize that faith is necessary and god’s ways are higher than ours. 

"Behold I go forward and he [God] is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him: On the left hand, where he doth work, but I cannot behold him: he hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him: But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:8-10

This life is a journey to make us into more than we can alone make ourselves. Heavenly Father wants us to live the life he lives. THAT is eternal life. To do so we must become like him. The harder the work the better the satisfaction! And while in this journey of mortality, we are constantly reminded that we are not there yet. that for me is where the frustration often  comes. BUT it is sooooooo essential to remember that that's why we have a savior. God has provided the remedy for our fallen state. but it does not all come quickly. our experiences in life are shaped and uniquely designed for each of us. 

"My words are sure and shall not fail...but all things must come to pass in their own time." D&C646:32

Christ knows how we feel. though perfect, he knows what it feels like to be imperfect. he was suffered and felt the pulls of our temptations, whether they we self-deprecating doubts, or general pessimism: he knows the power of their influence. But he is stronger. the words of god are sharper than a two edged sword.  we should thank god we are given weakness and that we experience mortality, because they are all opportunities for us to use our agency and choose Christ. not just choose, "the right" but choose to rely on your savior. choose to realize you CAN"T do it on your own, that your effort NEVER will be perfect, UNLESS you come unto the holy one of Israel. Jacob (Nephi’s brother stated it beautifully)

"An now my beloved brethren, I would that ye should come unto Christ, who is the holy one of Israel, and partake of his salvation, and the power of his redemption. Yea, come unto him and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him. and continue in fasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth ye will be saved." Omni 1:26

so although adversity comes and discouragement, there is no need to be disappointed! Christ is there. He knows.

"thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress" Psalm 2:1

Christ has that power. after Job's trails he was blessed and ended up with more than he had before. "So the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning." He had sheep and camels and TEN children and lived to see his great grandchildren. WHY DID I NOT KNOW THIS SOONER?! We always hear about the trails of jog, but this part of the story is magnificent. It says, "Job died, being old and full of his days." Yes sometimes our blessings won't all be realized in this life. but that is no reason to stop being faithful. Many blessing await us here. BUT they will come in the Lord timing and in the Lord's way to better his children and make us into celestial beings.

I love being a missionary. I love being able to bear my testimony and to serve people. sometimes I don’t love the pressure to talk to all these stranger around me, sometimes I don't want to wake up at 6:30 am BUT "I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me."

I know that to be true. the key is recognize our weaknesses and humble turn to him, be willing to do what he asks and have faith that it is in your best interest, because in the words of my grandfather Bill McDermott, "If we do the things he asks us to do we will be happy, because he wouldn’t ask us to do anything that would make us unhappy."

I am so grateful for the missionaries heading the spirit to invite us to study the Atonement. the days I do I am more joyful, more calm, and more aware of the Saviors role in my life. I would encourage and yes, INVITE all of you to do the same. Study the Atonement for 15 minutes each day. As you do so he will give you the strength needed to face your trails, develop Christ-like attributes, and make you into the son or daughter of god you are destined to become!

"For behold this is my work and my glory, to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." Moses 1:39

In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.